WeasleyVision War of the Worlds
by MuggleBeene
Summary: George Weasley has decided to have a Halloween special: a wizarding version of War of the Worlds.  You can imagine how that turns out.  Part of the Professor Muggle series.


**WeasleyVision War of the Worlds**

_1 October, 2035_

I took one look around the soundstage and shook my head. "George, this is a bad idea."

"Of course it is, that's why it's brilliant." George Weasley sat in the middle of a group of technicians on a set that looked almost identical to the set of the regular nightly news program; he was obviously pleased with himself. "Think of the publicity. Come on, Hank, it's for Halloween."

"At least use actors for the newsreaders. If you use the normal people everyone will think it's the news."

"That's what I want them to think. Authenticity, mate."

I knew I should have never lent George a copy of the old radio broadcast I had of the Orson Welles production of War of the Worlds, the program that had gone on to frighten the bejeezus out of everyone on Halloween. It'd all started when we were having lunch at The Leaky last summer and he'd asked me about the biggest pranks in the Muggle world, and off the top of my head I thought of Welles and his radio program. Hell, Welles even got into a bit of trouble after the broadcast in 1938 but overall he managed to get out of things unscathed. I only hoped George would be so lucky.

A technician came over to George. "Boss, we're almost ready. Unless you want to be in the test scene you'll have to move."

"Right." George nodded. "That wouldn't do at all, spoil everything. Come along, Professor Muggle, I have something to show you. I think you'll like it."

_Shit. Now what?_ "Ok, but I've got to meet with Ian Coswock in an hour. Can't stay long."

"Oh, I think Ian will love this."

I followed George off of the set and over to two director's chairs, one of which was purple and said 'The Boss' in big gold letters. George sat in that chair, picked up the parchment sitting in the other chair and nodded to me to sit down. After I'd taken my place he handed me the pages.

"You can read that if you want, and I know you will, but let me cut to the chase. We're going to start this by having it be a news interview of you all about your new book. Think of the publicity for you on that one! Right in the middle of your wonderfully exciting talk about your book we'll break in and say that we have an important news bulletin and then we're off and running!"

I looked at him and shook my head. "You've already talked to Ian about this, haven't you?"

"Of course! He loved it. Now, what's your book title again? Can't remember, and we need to make sure it's all proper in the script."

"It isn't your kind of book, George. It's called _Convergent Paths: Intersections of Wizarding and Muggle Literature_. Came out of a discussion I had with Hermione about books at Dumbledore University a while back."

George gave a low whistle. "Yeah, you're going to need all the help you can get on that one. Besides, think of it this way, publicity for the shops means additional sales which means extra Galleons for that 1.3% investment of yours, and…"

I held up my hand to stop him. "Save your breath. You're doing this no matter what I say, right?" The giant shit-eating grin gave me all the answer I needed.

An assistant came over and handed George a piece of parchment. He took one look at it and handed it to me. "Here's your contract, nothing much in regards to pay but this way you'll be able to say without lying that you were acting. Notice the confidentiality and non-disclosure sections; those have nasty repercussions if you spill the Bertie Botts'. Yes, I know you're not getting much, but you _are_ an investor, so you'll get yours on the back-end. Wish I could have done that with Al, but you know actors with delusions of grandeur."

I took a look at the contract and then glanced over to George. "You got Albus in on this?"

"Of course! Who knows about making movies more than Al? Had to let him direct to get him on board, but it'll be worth it."

_So that was how he got Al involved, he agreed to let him direct_. I swallowed my doubts, wondered if I'd survive everything and pulled out an ink pen from my jacket and signed the contract. If I was still alive and not in Azkaban on November 1st it would be a miracle.

* * *

><p><em>31 October<em>

HR Boyd sat in his living room and opened a beer. It had been a long night of watching Artie with the other neighborhood kids at the Halloween party, and after all of the shenanigans he was ready to just sit back and relax for a while. Artie still had on most of his robot costume, well, everything except the head which had been discarded almost the moment they arrived home, but HR knew that if Lily didn't say anything his eight year old son would try and sleep in the cardboard costume. Lily sat on the floor cross-legged next to Artie, sorting out his candy and trying to separate it into smaller piles. They'd all agreed before going out that even though he could accept all kinds of treats, but Lily would ration them out so they wouldn't have a repeat of last year when he ate almost everything in a single night and was ill for the next two days.

"Mum, that's not fair! I only get four tonight? Walter said he can eat whatever he wants!"

Lily shook her head. "Artie, I spoke to Rose and that's definitely not happening. You know how Walter likes to tell fibs."

HR picked up the remote and turned on the WeasleyVision. "Listen to your mum, Artie. Come on, now, your Granddad's going to be on soon."

Artie shrugged, causing the cardboard arm and shoulder sections of his costume to bunch up around his neck. "I see Granddad all the time. Mum, six more Canary Creams for tonight, ok?"

"No, Artie." Lily looked at her watch. "Now go upstairs and put on your pajamas. When you come down if you've brushed your teeth and washed up you _might_ have an extra two in your pile for tomorrow."

After their son had left the room HR looked over to his wife. "Bribery?"

"It worked, didn't it?" She got up from the floor and sat in her chair next to HR's. "So your dad's new book?"

"Literature stuff, something about how Muggle and Wizarding literature intersects while on separate paths, something like that. Academic stuff."

The program began with an advertisement for Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, as well as a small disclaimer that ran at the bottom in a very quick fashion and was gone almost immediately.

"What was that?" Lily looked over to her husband. "It went too fast; I couldn't read it."

"Not sure. Ok, they're starting."

WeasleyVision began in earnest then, the background of HR and Lily's living room fading away until it felt like the newsreaders and Professor Muggle were right in the room along with them. The interviewer smiled and began talking.

"Good evening, Lee Jordan here for WeasleyVision. Tonight we have a guest that really needs no introduction so I'll make it short. Hogwarts' professor of Muggle Studies, known by students and friends as Professor Muggle, Hank Boyd. Thank you for joining us tonight, Hank."

"Glad to be here, Lee."

"Professor, you have a new book out." Lee nodded towards Hank. "Do you have a copy with you?"

Hank smiled. "Actually, yes, yes I do. I also brought another book that might help illustrate my point." He reached under the desk and brought out his book but also a copy of H.G. Wells' _War of the Worlds_. "Mr. Wells' book is a good example of how Muggle Literature…"

HR noticed that for a second or two Lee looked panicked. He turned to Lily. "Dad's up to something."

As Hank continued talking Lily looked over to her husband. "What do you mean? He's just telling people about his book."

Artie came down the steps in his pajamas, hair wet and the front of his pajama top slightly damp. "All done, can I have my sweets now?"

"After your Granddad is done then you may add two to your pile for tomorrow." Lily pointed to the sofa. "Now sit and wait."

Before Artie could complain a Special Bulletin graphic covered everything and quickly faded away. Lee sat at the desk and a hand reached out and handed him a piece of parchment.

Lee cleared his throat. "We apologize for the interruption but we have breaking news. Reports are starting to enter the newsroom regarding a series of disturbances. According to sources…" He looked to his left, offstage. "Are you sure about this? Is this right?" After turning back to the camera he composed himself. "Initial reports have indicated that alien spaceships have been seen all over the country, and as far as Scotland. We now go to Horatio Parsnip outside of Hogwarts near the Forbidden Forest."

HR started laughing. "Oh bloody hell."

Lily's face was taut and drawn. "HR! Why are you laughing? This is unbelievable!"

"No, it's not, Lils. Dad gave us a clue with the book. It's all fake, it's a prank. Let me fill you in."

* * *

><p>Molly Weasley sat on the edge of her chair in The Burrow, clutching her knitting close to her chest. "Arthur! What are we going to do?"<p>

"Maybe they just want a cup of tea. Fascinating, isn't it? Think of the things they have! They've come from the stars. Oh look, there's Hagrid."

The Weasleys sat in silence as the WeasleyVision changed to right outside the Forbidden Forest where Horatio Parsnip, usually the Quidditch reporter, stood next to Hagrid holding a microphone.

"Hagrid, can you fill us in on what was seen not twenty minutes ago in the forest?" He held up the microphone over his head towards the large gamekeeper.

"Well, um, it's was a big flash of light an' a big boom. Scared the beasties sumthin' fierce. Took me crossbow out to take a look and..um…ah…"

Horatio glanced over at Hagrid, a worried look upon his face. "And that's when you saw it, right?"

Hagrid nodded rapidly. "Yeh, that's it. Big shiny thing, smoke everywhere. Thought it was a dragon at first, but if that's a dragon I'm Albus Dumbledore."

The reporter put his hand to his ear. "We're getting a report of another sighting. Let's take you to Amanda Flintsmoke outside of Telford.

As the WeasleyVision changed again Molly shook her head. "Maybe it's another Muggle space thing." She looked nervously to Arthur. "Hank says that they're trying to go to other planets."

Arthur didn't say a word; he was glued to the WeasleyVision. He stayed that way for another half hour and then quickly got up and left the room. After watching more reports come in about the sightings the scene changed quickly, causing Molly to put her hand to her mouth in fear. As she realized what was going on she called out to her husband.

"Arthur! Arthur! Come quick, something's happening!" Molly sat forward in her chintz chair, knitting forgotten and piled up into a mess next to her feet. "What are you doing?"

"Right there Mollywobbles." Arthur's voice came from the other room and shortly thereafter he rejoined her, holding out a small piece of parchment. "Based on the Muggle movies that Hank has shown us I think the odds are something awful will happen. Thirty-two times the aliens have turned out to be rather nasty, especially the ones that constantly say 'exterminate' and wave their little wand things about, but…"

"Not now, watch. Oh Arthur, they're going to try and contact them. Look!"

In front of the Weasleys the WeasleyVision showed an unnamed Auror walking forward towards a silver cylinder the size of a small car, holding up his hands in a gesture of peace. The hooded figures of other Aurors stood behind and watched while a reporter gave the details to the viewing audience.

"Penelope Diddlesworth here on the scene. An Auror has just gone towards the alien craft and is speaking words of welcome in multiple languages, must be using a Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes Multi-Language chew, those are really effective. Nothing has happened, the Auror is just…wait! It seems a door is opening, they're coming out! Ladies and gentlemen, first contact with life outside of Earth, and the Wizarding world will be the first contact! Purple smoke is covering everything, it's coming out of the door, making it hard to see. Now the smoke is clearing and…it's an arm of some kind, metal maybe. It's waving up and down…it's saying hello! We've made contact, and…"

The focus of the camera moved off of Penelope and over to the cylinder. The metal arm began glowing red at the end, the waving ceased and a bright jet of light struck the Auror in the chest. After glowing red for a few moments the Auror dropped to the ground.

"Merlin's pants!" Penelope ran towards the cylinder and the cameraman did as well, causing the WeasleyVision display to make the room seem to shake. "It wasn't saying hello, it just killed an Auror! The other Aurors are casting spells now but nothing's working, the cylinder is…oh no, it's killing them all! We need to Apparate out of here and move to safety!" She turned to Apparate but nothing happened. "I can't Apparate! Something's wrong!"

An Auror ran past the camera, trying to flee but a jet of red light hit him, causing him to glow red and drop not ten feet from the reporter.

With tears streaming down her face Penelope looked right at the camera. "Mum, Dad? I love you. Take care of…"

The WeasleyVision feed from the camera stopped, momentarily replaced by static but almost instantly it resumed with the news desk and Lee Jordan; Lee had his head in his hands and it was a few seconds before he realized that he was on air.

"Ladies and gentlemen…" he took a very deep breath "…it appears that the scene you just witnessed was not an isolated incident. Reports from all alien landing locations have confirmed what we just saw live. The aliens are here, they aren't friendly, and magic is useless against them."

* * *

><p>Harold Minsing liked having the night duty at the Auror's office. Most nights it was a quiet shift, only the occasional call about someone having a bit too much drink or a scuffle, but the owls were flying in faster than he could keep up with. He had just taken the message off of one owl when twenty more flew in the window and landed in his office. Harold knew that Halloween might be a busier night than most, but this was ridiculous. After reading the note he got up quickly from his desk and walked over to the door. "Weasley! What the bloody hell is going on?"<p>

Hugo looked up from the file that he'd been reading about an art theft and went over to Minsing's office. "Merlin's pants! How many owls are in there?"

"I don't know, but they keep coming! Read this!" He handed Hugo the note.

Hugo's worried expression faded as he read. "Aliens at the Puddlemere pitch? Somebody's drunk, that's it." He handed the note back to the night shift supervisor. "Someone's having a laugh."

Minsing shook his head. "Then why do I have ten more like it on my desk? Do we have a WeasleyVision here in the office?"

Hugo thought for a minute and shook his head. "Don't think so, just a wireless."

Without saying another word Minsing rushed through the office until he found a wireless in Seamus Finnegan's office. He maneuvered through the maze of desks until he was back outside his office, sat it on a table and flicked his wand at it.

A voice crackled through the speaker. "We're continuing our audio broadcast of breaking events being transmitted live on WeasleyVision. Aliens have landed in England, Scotland and Wales. We return you to the live feed."

Minsing's eyes went wide as he heard of the destruction of the Auror forces. "It's true! It's true! Weasley, this is a historic time and we're right at the center! This is it, this is a Code Red!"

"Are you sure?" Hugo looked over to see Minsing nod. "Ok, boss. Your call."

Once again alone with the incoming owls Harold felt a small pang of fear rise up into his throat. He began taking notes; history would want the record of his actions, the way that he had managed to muster the entire Auror department and take charge while Head Auror Potter was away on holiday; he would be a hero. History would know the name of Harold Minsing.

* * *

><p>Virginia Weasley took a drink of hot chocolate and glanced over at her mother-in-law. "I think they're doing pretty well, all things considered. Dad kind of tipped his hand a little too early, though."<p>

Hermione rolled her eyes. "And here I was hoping that it would be about his book when we started watching. This is all a bit much, isn't it? Nobody can really believe this?"

Ron walked in from the kitchen and handed Hermione a note. "Well, Minsing does. Look at this." Ron sat down in a chair next to the fireplace and began putting on a thick-soled pair of boots. "Can't bloody believe him."

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, stopped, and then read the note again. "A Code Red? Ronald, does he realize what he's done?"

"Code Red?" Gin looked at Ron. "Hugo hasn't said anything about a Code Red before; what's that?"

Ron finished tying the laces of his boot and looked over to Gin. "We put it together as a last resort during the war, in case we were invaded. All Aurors, former Aurors, current and past military are called in."

"Um, Ron, does he know it's a prank? It's _War of the Worlds_, it's not real." Gin looked over to Hermione. "Can't we stop it?"

Hermione got up quickly from her chair and started scanning her bookshelves, eventually pulling out what she was hoping to find. "Give this to Minsing, Ronald. Tell him it's all a big story, a Muggle Halloween story."

Ron took the book and shoved it in the pocket of his Auror robes. "Fine. Won't do much good now, though." He stopped and looked over to Gin. "Hank's still at the studio, isn't he?" Without saying another word Ron Apparated away.

As soon as Ron had gone Gin went over and pulled a piece of parchment out of her bag. "I'd better send Mum a note and have her go over to Forthingsgate. If I know Mione she's probably freaking out."

Hermione looked at Gin oddly. "Wouldn't Mione know that it's a Muggle story?"

"How many books have you seen Mione read? Not counting genealogy and Quidditch books?"

"Good point."

* * *

><p>I looked over to George and he was happier than I'd seen him in ages. "You look like you're about to bust."<p>

"This is spectacular, Hank! The owls haven't stopped coming! Look at this." He handed me a note. "Apparently we're news in Italy!"

I scanned the note quickly and shook my head. "Do you know how much trouble you're going to be in, George? If you're getting notes from Italy that means you haven't started a panic just in the UK, you've started a _worldwide_ panic."

He waved his hand dismissively. "It's all in good fun, a Halloween story. Maybe I should run the disclaimer again…" He looked over to the set and caught the eye of an assistant. Once the woman was by his side George pointed to Albus. "Tell Mr. Director we need to run the disclaimer again."

"And do it at a speed that humans can read, please." I shook my head at George. "That might have been legal but it wasn't right."

"Professor, are you saying we might have taken some liberties…"

A series of raised voices interrupted George and I looked over to where the disturbance was taking place; there, arguing with two WeasleyVision security guards, was Ron Weasley. Finally after threatening the guards with his wand they moved aside and Ron made his way over to George with purposeful strides.

"Turn it off, George." Ron's face was a mask of irritation and anger. "Now."

"Come on, Ronniekins, its Halloween!"

"I don't care what bloody day it is, turn the damn thing off before you cause a national panic!"

"Um…" I handed Ron the note. "Too late for that, it's an international panic now."

Ron glanced at the note and threw it down. "Now, George! Minsing's called a damn Code Red!"

"Code Red?" I looked over at George, but instead of the previous bravado he looked nothing more like someone who had just been slapped. "What the fuck is a Code Red?"

George didn't answer; he stood up and motioned for me to follow him. "Guess we need to make an announcement. Come on, Hank."

I shook my head. "No way. This is your baby; I told you it was a bad idea."

* * *

><p><em>1 November<em>

Harry Potter took off his glasses and cleaned them on the bottom of his t-shirt. All around him Aurors sat in nervous anticipation and the fact that Harry stood in front of them in Hawaiian print swim shorts, a t-shirt and flip-flops did nothing to diminish his intimidating presence. Sunlight streamed in the windows in Harry's office but it didn't seem to lighten his mood whatsoever.

"Ok, let's take it from the top. Scarlet, you're getting all this down, right?" Harry looked over to his long-time assistant who nodded. "I'm sitting with my wife on our little section of the beach having a nice drink when the Jamaican ambassador comes running up and hands me a note. Do you know how long it has been since I've been on a holiday? Ron, what's the damage?"

Ron took his feet off of Harry's desk and straightened up in his chair. "Where do I start? We had a Code Red, Kingsley's been doing damage control with all of the other ministers of magic in Europe and a few in Africa, there was a near-riot in Godric's Hollow, the holding cells are full of people who decided it was the end of the world and went barmy, got drunk or other things. Hell, we caught one couple shagging in the middle of Diagon Alley! The papers are running full tilt trying to calm things down and we've got George running the apology and explanation show for the next day non-stop."

Harry nodded gravely. "Harold, why the bloody hell did you call a Code Red? You know the procedures!"

Harold Minsing turned a paler shade of white. "I…my notes, I…" He looked up to Harry and stopped.

"We'll discuss it later, Harold." Harry looked at the crowd in his office. "Can somebody give me some _good_ news?"

"We put out the fire before it could do any damage." Seamus ran a hand through his hair. "Didn't think they'd try to burn down the Diagon Alley Weasley shop, but…"

"That's the good news?" Harry looked over to Ted Lupin. "Where are they now?"

"Safe, for now. George is currently here at the Ministry working on things with his lawyer, Al, Delyth and the girls are in Wales an' Professor Muggle's been on-camera for a while trying to explain things. You'll like this, Harry, when Hank signed his contract he wrote 'this is a very bad idea and if it all goes to shit its George's fault' on the bottom of the parchment."

"He did try and tell people it was all a story, Harry. He showed them the book before everything started." Ron stood up. "I suppose I should go try and find Mum and Dad now. I'll keep you posted."

After Ron had left Ted gave Harry a confused look. "Where are Molly and Arthur?"

Harry sat down at his desk and took off his glasses. "Arthur left a note. They're hiding somewhere. Molly took most of the pictures with her."

"Holy hippogriffs, George is going to get it." Ted shook his head.

Harry continued the meeting, dispatching Aurors to take care of certain tasks until it was only him, Ted and Scarlet in the office. After putting his glasses back on he looked over to his assistant. "Scarlet, I think that's all for now. Let me know the minute you receive Kingsley's response." Once she left the office he looked over to Ted. "Ginny's ready to kill him. Do you know how long we'd planned to have a holiday? Now we know why Al booked us into that hotel for the week as a surprise. Go on, Ted, I'll catch up with you later."

Ted nodded, left Harry's messy office, walked through the Auror department and made his way down to the fireplaces to Floo home. He'd almost stepped into a fireplace when HR Boyd stepped out of one.

"HR? What are you doing here?"

"Figured I'd better come see Harry and tell him Molly and Arthur are with me and Lils."

"How'd that happen?" Ted looked up to HR. "Why didn't you owl or Floo?"

HR laughed. "You haven't been out of the Ministry for a while, have you? Every owl is exhausted; I don't think they'll be flying for days. Floo network is overtaxed and hardly any lines work; the ones that do take forever. Took me an hour to make it here. As for Molly and Arthur, well, she decided that they needed to go on the run and hide from the aliens, but she couldn't go without her great-grandson. We were the first stop on the tour, Ted. They were planning on rounding up all their grandchildren and heading for the hills. Took me about an hour to calm Molly down."

* * *

><p><em>The Daily Prophet<em>

_3 November, 2035_

**WeasleyVision Halloween Stunt Aftermath**

In light of the utter fiasco that took place on Halloween, all fictional programmes will be required to clearly state the nature of the content. A brief disclaimer is no longer sufficient to inform the viewing public that a program is fictional and will be implemented immediately by all WeasleyVision channels.

In related news George Weasley, mastermind of the Halloween programme, has been ordered to provide a public access channel free of charge and without advertising. This channel will be devoted to news and public information and will begin broadcasting on 10 November. As part of the agreement Lee Jordan, host of many popular programmes, will also work on the new channel, which is unnamed at this time. Cinema star Albus Potter will donate a portion of his salary from his next movie towards the Rebuilding Fund established for Joseph Arsmarker. Arsmarker, as related in yesterday's edition, was the farmer who raised his entire crop of magical plants so as to not let them fall into the hands of the aliens.

Of the two books shown by Professor Hank Boyd on the programme one of them has become a best seller; unfortunately for Professor Muggle the book is War of the Worlds by Muggle author H.G. Wells.


End file.
